Yeah why not. I’m in a coffee bean and you’re not

Posted in Uncategorized on March 10th, 2009 by Scabbiemaster
Why is it that most "liberals" don't actually understands what that means.
If Daddy bought you an SUV for you 16th birthday and a new one when you
left for college, or you frequently make use of the live-in maid (who you
actually think cares for you and would willingly do you laundry for free),
or you think you have the solution to what ever political issue that the
other "individuals" decided was cool this week. Also just because a policy
is supported by a large corporation or *gasp* Government does not
automatically make it a bad thing. Also if you start telling someone about
how you read such and such about how evil a certain thing is PLEASE make
sure it was actually A BOOK and not in your head or at the website
queerliberalsforamuslimjesus.org.
If you know anyone who fits this description and still thinks, or worse
still tells you, that they are a "liberal" please bend them over and stick
a large peice of veal up their ASS.

Thank you that is all.

A STEWARD’S FOLLY

Posted in Uncategorized on March 6th, 2009 by Scabbiemaster

This was a project I did in high school. I can assure you I was on no drugs other than the Ritalin.

In the end I was just as alone if not more so than in the beginning. I was smaller than I was in the beginning. I had given of my being to create them. This left me incomplete. After many eons as their steward I began to fill up again. However, it all ended too soon. Something happened that I had not expected.

The beings that I had created were too curious for their own good. When I created them I made them from gut. Little did I know this would cause them to follow their gut instinct so many times no matter what the fact were saying. I made them from my gut because I hypothesized that if they had the feelings in my gut I would be able to treat them as equals. I never expected that they would become entirely unreasonable in their actions. I thought that if they were created of my being that they would be able to comprehend all the same things that I could. Boy, was I wrong.

The last one died just a while ago. She was the last of a once thriving civilization; a civilization that despite my best attempts destroyed itself. I was sad to see her fading away, however, there was nothing that I could do to reverse the events of her civilization. I could not undo the strip mining, the innovations that science had made, nor could I stop the explosion of all things purple. All I could do was make her death painless. I did this as best I knew how. I was going to use my four hundred foot long newspaper to squish her like a bug. Before I actually squished her I needed practice. Since I am the Supreme Being in this world and the next I decided that I could practice on many different types of animals just to make sure I had the technique perfected. After many tries I believed that I had finally perfected my technique. Now I was ready to help her move on painlessly. All I had to do was to find her. This was much harder than you would think seeing that I am omnipotent and omniscient. The reason that it was so hard to find her was because during the five short years that I took to train myself on how to best use the newspaper, I had dropped my glasses. Now at the peak of my creature-swatting career I had to take time out to look for my glasses.

After five years of looking I finally found my glasses. I had been wearing them the whole time. This was terrible because it meant that I needed a stronger perscription. The reason that this was catastrophic is because the last optometrist had died approximately sixty years prior. So for the next twelve years I wandered around the planet looking for the last descendant of my original creation. Although she looked little like the beings I had first created, she was still a descendant of my creations. I decided that just before I squished her I would reveal myself as her God along with all of the souls of her kin. I felt that if she could meet her creator she would not be as afraid at the time of her death.

I found her living in the valley where I had placed the first of her kind. It was ironic that my creations would end in the same place that they started in. I was ready to bring to an end her civilization. Though it may be gone I will never be able to forget. In a shrill voice I announced that I was her creator and the steward of her race. Then I revealed all of the generations to her. Then in one fell swing she became a red splash.

That red splash is all that is left of a once great civilization. It is now time for me to destroy even that splash of red. I do this not because I want to forget my creations, but in twelve days I have a more successful God from New York coming to look at my property with the intention of purchasing it.

Now, where did I leave that darned steam cleaner?